Dream or Reality?

Somewhere in the early morning hours, just before my alarm went off I found myself dreaming an odd dream. Hours later and it is still on my mind.

 

I am a vocalist in a band and singing is something I absolutely love. It started way back in High School and never stopped. I did Amatuer Night At The Appollo and countless local competitions. I've even considered auditioning for The Voice, but I haven't. But I digress. In this dream, I was watching myself interacting with people at a talent competition. I was watching a girl perform while being accompanied by a pianist (who was also judging the competition). The pianist was singing along with her. I couldn't hear the girl singing but I could hear the pianist singing. Yet, she was being told that she sound great??? There was another young lady standing with us. I told them that I could not hear the girl singing because the pianist was singing louder so the other young lady said she would sing with her and I would hear her better. So, they start singing again, without the pianist and now I can only hear the young lady singing but not the girl who I am supposed to hear. The crazy thing is that both the young lady and the pianist still smiled at the girl as if she was doing a great job.

 

So, now I am tripping. Am I the only one who does not hear her? Anyway, while they are discussing the process of the competition, a video clip comes on (I have no idea why) and I hear myself singing from a previous season of this competition. I didn't win. I was singing the Star Spangled Banner? Why on earth would I have picked that song for a talent competition?

 

Now, here is where the dream gets odd. The ME that was watching this whole scene began to cry. The ME that was watching began to think of all of the times she tried to find ways to put herself out there vocally and never made it. And then, the "real" ME woke up in tears. I was literally crying my heart out. I was crying for dreams that never came true. I was crying for all of the unprofessional folks I worked with who pretended they had an interest in my singing career who suddenly lost interest when I wouldn't go on a date. I was crying for so many false starts. I was crying because I have lost the will to try anymore. So, I sing with a band because I don't think I could ever stop singing. But, I can't put myself out there for disappointments anymore. I feel like my time has passed and I never got the chance to do what I really wanted to do.

 

I am thinking as I type this that the girl in the dream that I couldn't hear was ME.