Secret Santa came to town.

My secret Santa gave me one of the things I love most....gardening items. I am moving into a new home in the Spring and can't wait to use it all. She also gave me some cozy, cute socks. Good thing cuz I was wearing out the pair I have on now. Thanks Nerd Girl and Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Holly, Jolly Christmas

The Holiday season is upon us. Everytime I think I am done with gifts, I have someone I forgot. And the folks I said I wasn't buying for, I am feeling guilty and want to buy something small. Tis the season.

 

I sent my Secret Santa gift and I hope the recipient likes it.

 

Oh yeah, I had a birthday over the weekend. I am 40... something :). I had a wonderful weekend with friends and family.

 

The college girl is home so the empty nest is not empty for at least a month. BGE and the super market will thank me for her extended visit.

 

I can't wait for my grandkids to see there gifts! I am excited.

 

I am moving to my window seat at work. When I return to work next year, I will have a new seat with a new view, YEAH! Oh, did I mention that tomorrow will be my last day in the office until next year. How wonderful is that?

 

Holla at ya later!

Is it the weather or me?

Something ain't right. I don't know what it is or maybe it's nothing but I have not been feeling all that great lately. Physically, I am fine. Emotionally not so much. I feel like just blah. I am not sure if it is the weather because it has been rainy lately or if it there is really some underlying issue making its way to the top of my subconscious.

 

Anyway, I am all set to move to the cubicle with the window in a week. I guess I should be happy about that. I have not applied for any more positions. I need a break from the disappointments that come with that. I have not heard back about the singing opportunity and suspect that I won't.

 

On another note, my birthday is coming up and I will be 44 years old. That sounds so old and some days I feel so old.

 

I have finished most of my Christmas shopping except for my Secret Santa gift. I guess I could be finished with that but I really want to be creative and not send something boring. At least the search for that great exchange gift is something to look forward to.

 

Alright, enough of this negative mess. I hope I didn't bring anyone down. Anyone out there? Anyone?

Secret Santa

This is my first year participating in the 3rd Annual Christmas in Blogland with Psonya and others. I am excited. I have been reading Psonya's blog for a while and finally decided to "play".

 

Since not many read my blog- okay, nobody reads my blog which means they probably know nothing about me-I am going to help my secret santa out with some things about me. Or you can read my posts from a while ago, that nobody read (11 things about me and 11 more things about me).

 

I love reading books and I am a book club member so I purchase alot of ebooks from Barnes and Noble.

 

I sing with a band and we do cover songs so I am always downloading music from iTunes.

 

I am a shoe addict and most of the time they come from DSW. I also love colorful socks and the fluffy ones, too :).

 

I am a gardener and I love both indoor and outdoor plants so I frequent Home Depot and Lowe's nursery looking for something pretty and low maintenance.

 

I have gotten into Sally Hansen gel nail polishes (the one with the strips). It is economical, they last for about 7 days and I don't mess up my polish before it dries because it goes on dry - awesome!

 

Hmmm, I am trying to offer a bunch of things to choose from or at least some ideas so that my Secret Santa can be as creative as she wants to be.

 

I love taking photos of my family at different events and I have recently began to store them all on sd cards for safe keeping.

 

Oh yeah, if my Secret Santa is feeling extra generous, I collect Lladro Legacy figurines and Swarovski butterflies. Okay, just kidding on that one. Well, I think that is all I can come up with. Happy Shopping!!!

Losing Faith...for a minute

So yesterday was NOT a good day for me. I heard back from a job I applied for. they decided not to interview me. It seems the list of people they had to choose from was quite competitive and I did not rise to the top of that list. This is the 3rd time I was qualified for a position in the last 6 months and referred for an interview that never happened. While I am grateful for a job at all I am so so so so sick of this group and this work. I keep praying for something more fulfilling and more in line with my skills. So far I got nothing, so I wait.

 

On another note, I had been asking for over a year for a cubicle with a window. We have lots of people retiring and people being moved around. You would think 22 years in service and I could at least get a window when one of those folks leave, right? Well, new people came in. I am talking people from off of the streets, not transferring from another group within and they are getting window seats. Really? Anyway, my director calls me Monday morning and it seems we have a new person that started on Monday and guess what? She has a cube with a window. Now, y'all know this was not going to go well. But, he must have known the kind of look he was going to get from me because he offered me her cube and she could take mine. Perfect idea, right? So, I go into full on coordination mode and start making the necessary calls to get my stuff moved. Well, apparently there is a person whose job is to arrange moves but I did not know that. She gets wind of this and asks me to cancel all of my arrangements because she is supposed to do it and it will take a couple of weeks. Mind you, they were all set to do this thing for me in 2 days. What the hell does she need 2 weeks for? So, that has been put off and who knows if she will actually do it in 2 weeks. Sigh.

 

So, my day was not great at all. I had a moment where I was all in my feelings about constantly having doors close in my face. No to this, wait for that. I had a talk with my God and I told Him I am grateful, I really am. But you know the desires of my heart. I am not asking for a handout. I am willing to work hard. I just want it to be something I enjoy doing. That isn't a bad thing to ask for is it?

 

In the meantime, I am still crossing my fingers and praying about this music opportunity.

 

He is going to do something special for me. I just have to keep the faith and pray for MORE patience while I grow wearier in the wait.

Happy Holidays

Ho, Ho, Ho. Looks like Christmas is around the corner and most of my shopping is done. How about you?

 

Follow up from my last post: I have done a few things. Searched for a few tracks, still searching. Did some home recording in preparation for studio recording. Sent some recordings out for a possible opportunity. We will see what happens.

 

Follow up on another post: I have been searching and searching for a new position at work. I have made the best qualified list for a few jobs I applied for but so far I am still where I was :(.

 

Follow up from another, 'nother post: I am going to try to post more, AGAIN.

 

I am praying and waiting on God for changes.

Dream or Reality?

Somewhere in the early morning hours, just before my alarm went off I found myself dreaming an odd dream. Hours later and it is still on my mind.

 

I am a vocalist in a band and singing is something I absolutely love. It started way back in High School and never stopped. I did Amatuer Night At The Appollo and countless local competitions. I've even considered auditioning for The Voice, but I haven't. But I digress. In this dream, I was watching myself interacting with people at a talent competition. I was watching a girl perform while being accompanied by a pianist (who was also judging the competition). The pianist was singing along with her. I couldn't hear the girl singing but I could hear the pianist singing. Yet, she was being told that she sound great??? There was another young lady standing with us. I told them that I could not hear the girl singing because the pianist was singing louder so the other young lady said she would sing with her and I would hear her better. So, they start singing again, without the pianist and now I can only hear the young lady singing but not the girl who I am supposed to hear. The crazy thing is that both the young lady and the pianist still smiled at the girl as if she was doing a great job.

 

So, now I am tripping. Am I the only one who does not hear her? Anyway, while they are discussing the process of the competition, a video clip comes on (I have no idea why) and I hear myself singing from a previous season of this competition. I didn't win. I was singing the Star Spangled Banner? Why on earth would I have picked that song for a talent competition?

 

Now, here is where the dream gets odd. The ME that was watching this whole scene began to cry. The ME that was watching began to think of all of the times she tried to find ways to put herself out there vocally and never made it. And then, the "real" ME woke up in tears. I was literally crying my heart out. I was crying for dreams that never came true. I was crying for all of the unprofessional folks I worked with who pretended they had an interest in my singing career who suddenly lost interest when I wouldn't go on a date. I was crying for so many false starts. I was crying because I have lost the will to try anymore. So, I sing with a band because I don't think I could ever stop singing. But, I can't put myself out there for disappointments anymore. I feel like my time has passed and I never got the chance to do what I really wanted to do.

 

I am thinking as I type this that the girl in the dream that I couldn't hear was ME.

I been around

I guess you're wondering where I've been? Not really? Okay, well I will tell you anyway. Nowhere. I have one reader and I just know she isn't biting her nails waiting for the next post. Anyways, here are some things that's going on in my world. Kayla leaves for college in August. Yep, empty nest for me. I will begin the home buyer's process AGAIN early next year. Don't ask, long, stupid story. But my rent right now is a mortgage. Please God deliver me from the evils of renter-ship. My job just sent a solicitation for a 4 month work at home pilot. I already work 2 days at home, wonder how 5 days would feel? Only thing is you have to give up your cubicle space and take all personal items home. BOO. I guess I will have to suffer that if they approve my request. I have also been applying for promotions and this pilot may not go over well if I get a new job. Since the government does not want to give any financial aid for my daughter's college tuition they should at least give me a raise so she won't get kicked out when we can no longer afford it. Wadaya think? You still here? Okay, so what else? How come BGE read my meter on June 22 and they say I don't owe them anything? Something ain't right. Something ain't right. Something is also not right with Blogger today so I need to stop before I scream. Plus....I'm finished anyway. :-)

One mo gin

If Comcast raises my bill one mo gin, I am going to be watching nothing but Redbox! Seriously. Last month I noticed my bill had increased by $15 and then this month by another $18. Who do they think they are playing with? I call and they tell me oh last month your promotion ended on your package and then they tell me this month my promotion ended for the DVR. Funny, I get a letter in the mail saying that they should have been charging me for the DVR and they wasn't but (since I am a sucker valued customer) they are not going to charge me for those months. Instead they are going to rob me for the coming months and oh yeah, here are 2 coupons for free on demand movies. FIOS, where are you?

Checking In

I know, I know. I am slacking, but I have a good excuse. See, my daughter is a senior in high school so we are busily running around for Prom, graduation, college prepping. Alladat stuff. Did I tell you that she was accepted at George Mason? Yep. So I will have an empty nest in the Fall. Some things I noticed about my baby girl lately. She has always been very conservative, no low rise jeans, nothing that reveals cleavage, nothing see through without a tank top underneath, etc., etc. Well, home girl has flipped the script and I am just being a quiet observer. She has not started wearing midriff tops, low rise jeans, form fitting dresses and skirts. What's this about? I am so not ready! This is also the busy time for my band. You know everybody gets married in the Spring and Summer months so we have been singing our hearts out while folks promise to love, honor and obey. I always say a prayer for each couple that their love lasts beyond the wedding day. I have seen alot of beautiful venues for wedding receptions. Engaged folks...y'all need to look into those vineyards. Gorgeous backdrop for photos. Taking my two grandkids to see the Universoul Circus. I ain't ready. They love to dance and I am going to have to try to keep them in their seats/space. We will have fun though and my pockets will be much emptier when it's all said and done. I NEED A VACATION! What's new with you?

MPAD - Breakfast

Bacon & Fried Egg White on Honey Wheat bread. YUMMY.

MPAD - Delicious

Um, um, um.

Spring Fever in March

I don't know what the weather is like out by you but it has been gorgeous here in the DC, MD, Va area. the sun has been shining and temps have been in the upper 70s as much as 80 for the last few days. It is March for crying out loud and my toes are out. No, I do not have on sandals or flip flops but I am bumping peep toes. Something about this weather puts me in a really great mood even when things aren't going quite the way I would like for them to. My allergies are off the chart (sneezing, itchy eyes, itchy nose, you name it) and it isn't even Spring yet. What's the weather like where you are? Do you have allergy issues? Do you prefer warm weather or cold weather? Holla at me....PLEASE???!!!??!!!

MPAD - Car

Clean - for now.

MPAD

LOUD!!!!!!

MPAD - Red

My home girl's Red shoes. This picture does not accurately display how hawt they are!

MPAD - Window

The window closest to my cubicle.

MPAD - Something You Wore

I wore this jacket in to work this morning. I have had it for YEARS. One of my deals from Delancy Street in NY.

MPAD - March 6

At 5 p.m. I was doing this...

But I didn't look that happy about it!

MPAD - March 5

SMILE

MPAD

Bedside

MPAD

Catching up to this. March 1 - Up! As in raise your hands up!

March 2 - Fruit

March 3 - Neighborhood

And now I am all caught up.

Spring Cleaning

Do you ever notice that when Spring is approaching you get antsy, ?

anxious....something? I know I do. I want to get stuff done. I am clearing out the clutter everywhere. I want to get my vehicles detailed. I want to start new projects and finish old ones. I have finally gotten all of the songs I wrote typed out clearly on my computer. Now, I need to get them all copyrighted (I already did 2). Next, I will find some tracks to go with them. Hopefully, by the beginning of Summer or sooner I will be in the studio laying them out. Lord, please keep me motivated to get this done. My heart wants to do it but I keep putting it on the side and I have no really good reason for why I do that. I also plan to get rid of a bunch of papers sitting around my house. Some will be shredded some trashed and some filed away. I have slowly been letting go of clothes and shoes that I know I really won't ever wear again. That should help clear up my closet. Now, I just need to make sure not to replace those items because I really don't need another thing. What does Spring fever make you want to do

Good grief!

Well, I managed to recover from the boys over the weekend. They are wonderful but they require more energy than I have to give so no more extended visits for them. I recognize what I can and cannot handle. We hung out with a friend and went to some bounce type facility and the kids had a ball and we enjoyed watching them and chatting it up. But boy was I glad when they were picked up. I needed my life to go back to normal - quiet!

I take my hat off to anyone with small kids. I mean, I get them with the knowledge that it is temporary. But for those of you who have to do this every single day all I can say is....I'm sorry. It takes alot to constantly entertain, feed, bathe, feed, clean up after, feed and pay attention to little kids. With a teenager in the house who can do for herself, I forgot how much work this can be and I am not too happy when I am reminded.

The Boys

I am babysitting my grandkids this weekend while their parents enjoy a 4 day weekend in Deep Creek. I am sure I will need a vacation when it's over. They are 5 and 1 and the 1 year old thinks he is 5, also. They are very busy kids and I am too old for all of that energy! So, we will be dancing, singing, watching movies, eating snacks and whatever else I can think of. All fun stuff! That's what grandmothers do, right?

Happy Belated Valentine's Day and other stuff

Hey All, I am trying not to let too much time pass between posting. Anyhow, I have been pretty busy. My dad passed after a long fight with kidney failure and dialysis. There is a long story behind my relationship or lack thereof with him but we won't get into that (maybe another post). Anyhow, it has been very interesting watching how folk act when people pass. You learn alot about people you can count on and those you cannot. My daughter and I have had yet another one or our teenager issues. You know, where the teenager forgets that she is still a child and you are the parent that not only gave her life but made sure it was abundant. Yeah...well the sheriff (that's me) done laid down some rules in writing to be followed until she leaves for college. Some of which will be extended to her college years, too. That's if she wants me to pay her tuition. I have been applying for jobs left and right. I need a change. I thank God everyday that I have a job but I also pray for something more fulfilling. It's coming.... I celebrated Valentine's day this year. I know that sounds like nothing to report but this may be the first Valentine's Day in years that I was excited about and really looked forward to and it was e.v.e.r.y single thing I thought it would be and more. Thanks Babe! So, my daughter brought home a bunch of papers from school detailing al that is going to happen between now and graduation. Wow, it's alot. I will have to out all of this on my phone calendar to keep up. It's exciting to me, her meh. Teenagers!

Blahhhhh.....

Today has been just one of those days for me. I don't know what it is but I have been feeling just blah all day. Not in the mood to do much of anything. Not really feeling bad but not feeling good either. I definitely feel like something is just not right and I think I am having a day where I feel like I am not where I want to be. I wish I could have a do over. Like a total do over!!!

Blog games...11 more things

1. iPhone, crackberry, or droid? Crackberry but I have my eye on the iPhone. 2. In your Lifetime original movie, who would play you? I would love for it to be Angela Bassett. 3. When deciding what’s for dinner–if you were on death row (jail, not the record company), what would your last meal be? I probably couldn't eat. Who has an appetite when they know they are about to die? 4. Under what circumstances, if any, would you be a guest on the Maury show? Under no circumstances would I be a guest on the Maury show. 5. What’s your favorite movie? Meet Joe Black 6. How did you decide to live where you live right now? It was a decision based on convenience at a time when not so good things were happening in my life. 7. If you were a celebrity, what would you be famous for? My voice - singing. 8. Will you miss the Twinkie? Uh, no. 9. What’s on your nightstand? A lamp. Cordless phone. A cup with a bunch of ink pens. A few papers that need to be put away. A coaster. Okay, too much stuff! 10. How old were you when you got your driver’s license, and how many tries did it take you to pass the road test? I was 15 and 9 months (which was the rule back then). I passed the first time. 11. Are your ears pierced? If they are, did you get them done when you were little, or when you were older? My ears are pierced and have been since I was a baby. I had my second holes done when I was a teenager and have sinced allowed them to close.

11 Things You May Not Know About Me...and probably don't care.

1. I love to sing, it's my true love.

 

2. I love to read.

 

3. I love my two grandsons, they make me happy and tired.

 

4. I am so proud and excited that my daughter was accepted into the college of her choice.

 

5. I am anxious about the college expenses I will incur for the next four years.

 

6. I love to plant flowers.

 

7. I have an addiction to shoes.

 

8. I buy way too many underwear.

 

9. I want a new/better job (but I am thankful for the one I have).

 

10. I am hoping to bring an audience back to my blog.

 

11. I don't think anyone will read this.

Spinning my wheels - going nowhere fast.

Do you ever feel like no matter how much you do and no matter how well you do it, you will never get to where you are trying to go? I wrote in a previous post about getting some projects done that I have put off but this isn't about that. This is about my job. I have been a federal government employee for over 20 years. In that time I have reassigned to different areas to avoid stagnation (is that a word?). This recent group that I reassigned to back in 2007 is shaping up to be my biggest failure in terms of my career. Here at my agency they have what is called a PMAP which is basically a performace review. It is based on several elements which usually do not change from one year to the next. Based on how well you perform each element you receive a numeric score. In the end, you will either be Exceptional, Fully Successful, Minimally Successful or Unacceptable. In this new group, I have never been more than Fully Successful. Please note that while we are told there is no official criteria for being rated Exceptional, there are a chosen few who seem to meet that level of performance on a regular basis (go figure). Anyway, that is not my issue today. My issue today is my score under fully successful. As I mentioned earlier, I reasssigned to this group in 2007. When I received my PMAP review in 2007, my score was 3.0 which is the lowest you can score in the fully successful range. Okay, I am new at the job so I will take that. This is coming from a position where I was exceptional so it is a pill to swallow but moving along. By 2008, I have learned to work independently on the same elements I had in 2007 but one new element has been added to address professional growth. Guess what my Fully Successful score is for 2008? A - 3.8 (a 4.3 is the highest you can get under Fully Scuccessful before they bump you to Exceptional) so I am on my way after just 1 year in this group, right? In 2009 my score drops to 3.0. Whoa!!! That is significant and I am doing the same work at the same level. I monitor this and wait. 2010 my score is 3.3 and I decide at this time to ask what is the requirement to get an exceptional? No criteria. I push back on the criteria and the way I am being scored. So, 2011 comes and I am presented with my review after being told that I am such a great employee and that I can be depended upon to get the work done. Mind you, in addition to my own work I have been assigned to help with other co-worker's work when they are overwhelemed. This is not because I have nothing else to do but because I flow through my work rather quickly - organization and a great team in the region is the key. My 2011 review scored me a 3.0!!! So, I am back to where I was 2 years ago, really? I take this to my superiors and question how they are coming up with this score. They suggest that maybe the elements are different - no. Perhaps it is because of the different reviewers - the PMAP is supposed to be standardized to prevent that from being an issue so - no. Then I am told that it is because I have not developed enough in the professional development element. You mean the area I talked to you about and explained that I cannot take time for that because I am constantly being assigned to help others? I call bull on this!!!! I push back and it is changed to 3.4 - giving more credit in the area I worked more in which caused less work in the professional development area. Why do I feel like I just went through a round with Sirius radio? Have you ever called them to cancel service only to have them offer you a better price for the same service only because you pushed back? Sorta makes you wonder, doesn't it? Well, I am gonna slow the wheels down since it seems pretty clear that my Performance review is very subjective. I guess a new reviewer will make the difference. SIGH....

Unfinished Business

As I am typing this I am thinking of all of the projects I have started and just didn't finish which is very unlike me. For the most part, it isn't that I lose interest or don't want to complete the project. I just become overwhelmed with how to get it done and then convince myself that it isn't going to work and I put it away. Well, now I want to complete the projects and put them out there and see what happens. Nothing beats a failure but a try, right? So, I will be finishing a book I started writing YEARS ago and self-publishing it. I will get all of my songs copyrighted along with the recorded melodies. I will find tracks to go with the songs and I will begin working on my demo. I will keep searching for and find a play to audition for (I really want to do The Wiz). It is time for me to start working on my deferred dreams. I am writing it down and making it happen. Wish me luck!