Dream or Reality?

Somewhere in the early morning hours, just before my alarm went off I found myself dreaming an odd dream. Hours later and it is still on my mind.

 

I am a vocalist in a band and singing is something I absolutely love. It started way back in High School and never stopped. I did Amatuer Night At The Appollo and countless local competitions. I've even considered auditioning for The Voice, but I haven't. But I digress. In this dream, I was watching myself interacting with people at a talent competition. I was watching a girl perform while being accompanied by a pianist (who was also judging the competition). The pianist was singing along with her. I couldn't hear the girl singing but I could hear the pianist singing. Yet, she was being told that she sound great??? There was another young lady standing with us. I told them that I could not hear the girl singing because the pianist was singing louder so the other young lady said she would sing with her and I would hear her better. So, they start singing again, without the pianist and now I can only hear the young lady singing but not the girl who I am supposed to hear. The crazy thing is that both the young lady and the pianist still smiled at the girl as if she was doing a great job.

 

So, now I am tripping. Am I the only one who does not hear her? Anyway, while they are discussing the process of the competition, a video clip comes on (I have no idea why) and I hear myself singing from a previous season of this competition. I didn't win. I was singing the Star Spangled Banner? Why on earth would I have picked that song for a talent competition?

 

Now, here is where the dream gets odd. The ME that was watching this whole scene began to cry. The ME that was watching began to think of all of the times she tried to find ways to put herself out there vocally and never made it. And then, the "real" ME woke up in tears. I was literally crying my heart out. I was crying for dreams that never came true. I was crying for all of the unprofessional folks I worked with who pretended they had an interest in my singing career who suddenly lost interest when I wouldn't go on a date. I was crying for so many false starts. I was crying because I have lost the will to try anymore. So, I sing with a band because I don't think I could ever stop singing. But, I can't put myself out there for disappointments anymore. I feel like my time has passed and I never got the chance to do what I really wanted to do.

 

I am thinking as I type this that the girl in the dream that I couldn't hear was ME.

I been around

I guess you're wondering where I've been? Not really? Okay, well I will tell you anyway. Nowhere. I have one reader and I just know she isn't biting her nails waiting for the next post. Anyways, here are some things that's going on in my world. Kayla leaves for college in August. Yep, empty nest for me. I will begin the home buyer's process AGAIN early next year. Don't ask, long, stupid story. But my rent right now is a mortgage. Please God deliver me from the evils of renter-ship. My job just sent a solicitation for a 4 month work at home pilot. I already work 2 days at home, wonder how 5 days would feel? Only thing is you have to give up your cubicle space and take all personal items home. BOO. I guess I will have to suffer that if they approve my request. I have also been applying for promotions and this pilot may not go over well if I get a new job. Since the government does not want to give any financial aid for my daughter's college tuition they should at least give me a raise so she won't get kicked out when we can no longer afford it. Wadaya think? You still here? Okay, so what else? How come BGE read my meter on June 22 and they say I don't owe them anything? Something ain't right. Something ain't right. Something is also not right with Blogger today so I need to stop before I scream. Plus....I'm finished anyway. :-)

One mo gin

If Comcast raises my bill one mo gin, I am going to be watching nothing but Redbox! Seriously. Last month I noticed my bill had increased by $15 and then this month by another $18. Who do they think they are playing with? I call and they tell me oh last month your promotion ended on your package and then they tell me this month my promotion ended for the DVR. Funny, I get a letter in the mail saying that they should have been charging me for the DVR and they wasn't but (since I am a sucker valued customer) they are not going to charge me for those months. Instead they are going to rob me for the coming months and oh yeah, here are 2 coupons for free on demand movies. FIOS, where are you?

Checking In

I know, I know. I am slacking, but I have a good excuse. See, my daughter is a senior in high school so we are busily running around for Prom, graduation, college prepping. Alladat stuff. Did I tell you that she was accepted at George Mason? Yep. So I will have an empty nest in the Fall. Some things I noticed about my baby girl lately. She has always been very conservative, no low rise jeans, nothing that reveals cleavage, nothing see through without a tank top underneath, etc., etc. Well, home girl has flipped the script and I am just being a quiet observer. She has not started wearing midriff tops, low rise jeans, form fitting dresses and skirts. What's this about? I am so not ready! This is also the busy time for my band. You know everybody gets married in the Spring and Summer months so we have been singing our hearts out while folks promise to love, honor and obey. I always say a prayer for each couple that their love lasts beyond the wedding day. I have seen alot of beautiful venues for wedding receptions. Engaged folks...y'all need to look into those vineyards. Gorgeous backdrop for photos. Taking my two grandkids to see the Universoul Circus. I ain't ready. They love to dance and I am going to have to try to keep them in their seats/space. We will have fun though and my pockets will be much emptier when it's all said and done. I NEED A VACATION! What's new with you?

MPAD - Breakfast

Bacon & Fried Egg White on Honey Wheat bread. YUMMY.

MPAD - Delicious

Um, um, um.

Spring Fever in March

I don't know what the weather is like out by you but it has been gorgeous here in the DC, MD, Va area. the sun has been shining and temps have been in the upper 70s as much as 80 for the last few days. It is March for crying out loud and my toes are out. No, I do not have on sandals or flip flops but I am bumping peep toes. Something about this weather puts me in a really great mood even when things aren't going quite the way I would like for them to. My allergies are off the chart (sneezing, itchy eyes, itchy nose, you name it) and it isn't even Spring yet. What's the weather like where you are? Do you have allergy issues? Do you prefer warm weather or cold weather? Holla at me....PLEASE???!!!??!!!

MPAD - Car

Clean - for now.

MPAD

LOUD!!!!!!

MPAD - Red

My home girl's Red shoes. This picture does not accurately display how hawt they are!

MPAD - Window

The window closest to my cubicle.

MPAD - Something You Wore

I wore this jacket in to work this morning. I have had it for YEARS. One of my deals from Delancy Street in NY.

MPAD - March 6

At 5 p.m. I was doing this...

But I didn't look that happy about it!

MPAD - March 5

SMILE

MPAD

Bedside

MPAD

Catching up to this. March 1 - Up! As in raise your hands up!

March 2 - Fruit

March 3 - Neighborhood

And now I am all caught up.

Spring Cleaning

Do you ever notice that when Spring is approaching you get antsy, ?

anxious....something? I know I do. I want to get stuff done. I am clearing out the clutter everywhere. I want to get my vehicles detailed. I want to start new projects and finish old ones. I have finally gotten all of the songs I wrote typed out clearly on my computer. Now, I need to get them all copyrighted (I already did 2). Next, I will find some tracks to go with them. Hopefully, by the beginning of Summer or sooner I will be in the studio laying them out. Lord, please keep me motivated to get this done. My heart wants to do it but I keep putting it on the side and I have no really good reason for why I do that. I also plan to get rid of a bunch of papers sitting around my house. Some will be shredded some trashed and some filed away. I have slowly been letting go of clothes and shoes that I know I really won't ever wear again. That should help clear up my closet. Now, I just need to make sure not to replace those items because I really don't need another thing. What does Spring fever make you want to do

Good grief!

Well, I managed to recover from the boys over the weekend. They are wonderful but they require more energy than I have to give so no more extended visits for them. I recognize what I can and cannot handle. We hung out with a friend and went to some bounce type facility and the kids had a ball and we enjoyed watching them and chatting it up. But boy was I glad when they were picked up. I needed my life to go back to normal - quiet!

I take my hat off to anyone with small kids. I mean, I get them with the knowledge that it is temporary. But for those of you who have to do this every single day all I can say is....I'm sorry. It takes alot to constantly entertain, feed, bathe, feed, clean up after, feed and pay attention to little kids. With a teenager in the house who can do for herself, I forgot how much work this can be and I am not too happy when I am reminded.

The Boys

I am babysitting my grandkids this weekend while their parents enjoy a 4 day weekend in Deep Creek. I am sure I will need a vacation when it's over. They are 5 and 1 and the 1 year old thinks he is 5, also. They are very busy kids and I am too old for all of that energy! So, we will be dancing, singing, watching movies, eating snacks and whatever else I can think of. All fun stuff! That's what grandmothers do, right?

Happy Belated Valentine's Day and other stuff

Hey All, I am trying not to let too much time pass between posting. Anyhow, I have been pretty busy. My dad passed after a long fight with kidney failure and dialysis. There is a long story behind my relationship or lack thereof with him but we won't get into that (maybe another post). Anyhow, it has been very interesting watching how folk act when people pass. You learn alot about people you can count on and those you cannot. My daughter and I have had yet another one or our teenager issues. You know, where the teenager forgets that she is still a child and you are the parent that not only gave her life but made sure it was abundant. Yeah...well the sheriff (that's me) done laid down some rules in writing to be followed until she leaves for college. Some of which will be extended to her college years, too. That's if she wants me to pay her tuition. I have been applying for jobs left and right. I need a change. I thank God everyday that I have a job but I also pray for something more fulfilling. It's coming.... I celebrated Valentine's day this year. I know that sounds like nothing to report but this may be the first Valentine's Day in years that I was excited about and really looked forward to and it was e.v.e.r.y single thing I thought it would be and more. Thanks Babe! So, my daughter brought home a bunch of papers from school detailing al that is going to happen between now and graduation. Wow, it's alot. I will have to out all of this on my phone calendar to keep up. It's exciting to me, her meh. Teenagers!