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Drea's World

Welcome to what goes on in my mind. Some days it will be nothing, other days it may be too much. But here is where I choose to unload. Feel free to visit often.

About Me

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What can I say. I sing with a band, mostly R&B, Pop, etc. I am an avid book reader, mostly fictional (gotta get away sometimes). I am a mother of two and believe it or not a "grandmother". I am still rolling my eyes at my son for that one. I am a very straight-forward person. I am no sugar-coater so if you don't want to hear what I really think, please don't ask me!

Friday, September 22, 2006

I Ain't Saying I'm A Gold Digger!

I just finished my daily dose of Slish's blog post. I start my day reading his crazy stories and all of the funny/crazy comments that come with it. I recently created my own blog, at Slish's suggestion and guess who has inspired my first real post? Slish of course, so here it goes.

Thinking about what draws people to each other looks, money, sex, etc. got me to thinkin' about gold digging men (cause it ain't just the women). You don't believe me, let me tell you my story.

I met this guy several years ago and we hit it off instantly. He had a great smile, I loved the sound of his voice and he was very charming (do people still use that word?) Anyway, he sorta swept me off of my feet, so he became my man and I, his woman.

Now the sex was just okay in the beginning, but this brother was very willing to learn so in the years that we were together he became an expert at what makes me explode. So you ask, what's the problem, right? Well, I'm getting to that right now.

When we met he was working for a company that he said he had worked for for several years. He didn't say that it was through a temp agency (now I know that don't seem to be all that important, but just hold on). Well, after we were dating for about 2-3 months, that job expired. He says no big deal, I have money saved up until I find something else. I think he underestimated how long it would take to find something else because the money ran out and he was still unemployed. We are talking 6 months later! Okay, so by now we have been dating for about 8-9 months. Out of concern for him, I offer to loan him money for rent and even went a step further and said come stay with me so you don't have to be stressing about how to pay your bills (plus, I can't afford to loan you rent money every month, indefinitely). BIG mistake! We are now living together.

So, he finally gets a job and we agree to split the bills down the middle because you can't itemize how much electricty you use, etc. He decides later (after a bug gets in his ear) that he don't want to pay any money towards my mortgage because he can't get a tax write off for it? Huh? Then he decides he don't want to contribute to the phone bill because he gets and makes all his calls from his cell. Huh? Then his favorite line for every expense becomes, "well you make more than me so you should pay for it". Huh? Now, this is getting crazy but I don't want to argue about money so I say whatever, but my eyebrows are raised.

Fast forward to our last year together. We are engaged (I know some of you women are scratching your head on this one), and his car is about to die soon. Let me insert here, his credit is ALL JACKED THE F#$k up! For the entire time we were together I kept saying you need to pay that stuff off because it is affecting your credit and his line was ALWAYS, I will take care of it, it's not your problem (remember this line because it will change later). So, he gives me this speech about being his woman and how I should be able to help him whe he needs it. So guess what happens, after discarding my idea to buy a vehicle outright so there would be no car note (because he has bills he needs to pay to clear his credit) we go into a dealership and purchase a vehicle. I have to be the buyer because his credit is so bad they don't really want him on the loan but will agree to him being co-buyer on his vehicle. Second BIG mistake.

Just one month after the wedding he confronts me and asks, "why isn't my name on everything yet?" (Has your mouth fell open yet?) Hell, mine did. Everything like what? We're married so my name should be on everything, the house (that he didn't want to contribute payments to), all of the bills (including the phone he didn't want to pay because he uses his cell phone - that at that point was in my name because he couldn't get a plan - why? because of his credit), and all of my credit cards (cause he can't get any of his own). Well, before you ask what happened, we are now divorced! Ran to the court house exactly one year from the day he came to me with that bull$#it! Now, some of you may say, you ended your marriage for that? Wait, remember the line I told you to remember earlier........

....One day driving home I asked about the child support arrears that were on his credit report (the reason for the bad credit) and you know what he told me........sit down for this one! Listen to how the line changed.....

"Well, we are married now, so my bills are your bills, you should help me pay it" ($approx. $40,000 for two kids).

Now, I ain't saying I'm a Gold Digger, but I ain't messing with no broke, broke !@gga!
I ain't saying I'm a Gold Digger, but you ain't messing with no broke sistah! HOLLA, if you wit me!

16 comments:

duball32md said...

Well I hate to see relationships end, cause I think that most folk don't understand commitment, BUT I think you made the best decision in this case for you and yours. A relationship should be a partnership, give and take, communication and compromise. I have recently learned what being "unequally yoked" means.

Drea said...

Well, we were definitely
"unequally yoked" but would have been equally broke if he had it his way.

Mr.Slish said...

Hahahahaha...Thats some fucked up shit...Married that pretty boy got wack sex..Trained him to eat yo chocha. Made you go oh lala now you cosigning for shit...I love it!!! Classic...

Woman said...

You did well for yourself. And yes my jaw was dropping as I was reading (hehehe)...But you did well...Kudos!

sunshyne said...

I found your blog from Slish's blog. I like it so far.

Love is beautiful, but you gotta love yourself first. You made an excellent move, Drea! It took a while, but you made a great decision in the long run. It doesn't shock me what I hear out of the mouths of men, but his "logic" on the child payments made my eyes squint because I just knew that my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Just...WOW.

Drea said...

@ Mr. Slish...oh yeah he had me going for quite a while and all the while I was making excuses for him. But he took that shit one step too far (well alot of steps too far) but the last step was the last step.

@ Woman...I knew jaws would drop, you should have seen mine when he said it!

@ Sunshyne...Nope no tricks, he actually said that with a straight face. I think he thought I was addicted to him at that point. Or afraid of a divorce so would do ANYTHING to keep him....hmmm?

Thanks for dropping in...let's see what I can get into today???

PhillyLive said...

Ok Drea, not bad not bad for your first post.. Pretty boy gased you up huh??? Hate it when that happens!!!! Anyway, I'm really shocked that you even made it down the aisle 4 real... All things being equal, I guess you paid for that too huh? Its crazy what love does to people.. But I been there?? I done bought pampers for kids I don't have. Paid rent for a place, I did not live at. Paid a phone bill for a phone I don't use. Cable etc.... The only difference is, I had no intention on stay'n wit any of them chicks. NONE. I was just play my part of the game.

Question???? How did yall manage to stay married for a year anyway???

Anonymous said...

Now-that was a very interesting story...Glad you got rid of that one..

abRock said...

wow

I'm glad you finally kicked dude to the curb, but wow on the balls on dude. obviously he got comfortable to you taking care of him and wanted to see how far he can push it.

1969 said...

Drea girl...you shoulda called me. I can spot a Busta a mile away.

Glad you came to your senses and cut the dead weight.

You are far too spectacular for a guy like that.

Drea said...

Sorry to respond SOOO late but I didn't know anybody visited my Blog :-). I am supposed to get emails when someone comments. Guess what, I got all the emails AFTER I checked my page!

Anyway...please visit again. I will start writing more now that I know folks are checking.

Drea said...

Oh...@phillylive...we did NOT stay married for a year. We separated after 2 months! The law made us stay married on paper for a year. In MD, you have to be separated for a year to file for a divorce.

Anonymous said...

*waving* Hey! I found you through Slish's spot....

You are right on target to leave him like you found him...Broke as a joke. Sorry @zz Negros get on my nerves.

Drea said...

@Anonymous...from what I hear he is still doing the same thing so I made the right choice.

Mizrepresent said...

Dayum gurl, i'm hollering over here. Just glad you are free and clear from that BS!

blackstarr said...

I am in total awe. I recently questioned a female about her blog subject "brothers and inter-racial relationships". By twists and turns, one topic that was brought to light was that sisters have it REALLY bad when it comes to finding a mate. You sent me right back there with this one. I find it so hard to believe that you took it as far as you did. Being a brother who cares little about money, even I would have walked a way from a sister if she was that jacked-up. I gotta give you credit for hanging in there for so long. Again - for sooooo long! Wow! Now, comes the compassion. I feel for you. We sometimes have to learn the hard way, but, there is always a lesson to be learned from experience. I'd venture to say that even one of your most savvy girlfriends, even a bff, probably could not have told you anything that you wanted to hear when all of this was going on. Experience. Sometimes, that's what it takes. I trust that you are, now, well, and keeping that head up. BTW - I also trust that you will be passing a few more blog posts on to us in the near future. Peace.