When your purpose in my life no longer exists...

I wonder how many folks have "people" in their lives just to say they know people? For me everyone that I deal with, and when I say deal with I mean they really in my life, are in my life for different reasons. They all bring something different to my life. That's why I have a very small group of people I deal with. When it becomes evident that they are just taking up space and bringing negative energy, I need to steer clear.

I say this because I have a cousin who has a close friend. They have been friends for years! They have been there for each other through alot of hard times. Today she tells me that she found out that this friend was running around telling all of her business to her co-workers. She is so upset and she don't understand why. I asked, are you upset with each other (not that this would make it okay) and she replied, no.

So, I say well what are you going to do? She says, nothing I just won't share any of my personal information with her anymore so she won't have anything to tell. She dont' want to say anything about it to her because it will start a big mess.

Now she plans to continue to hang out with this woman. I am sorry but I can't do that. You have betrayed my trust in you and you have now changed the dynamics of our relationship. I gotta back off of you!

What would you do?

Be Honest, Not Stupid!

I (like probably most of you) was always taught that "honesty is the best policy". As an adult I fundamentally believe that, but sometimes I question whether it is ALWAYS the best policy?

What happens when, you are in a relationship and you tell your partner about past relationships or about conversations with friends or about things yu have done (just sharing) and, at the time you tell them they just listen or contribute to the conversation like it's all good.

Then that dreaded day comes when he/she is in a bad mood, or is upset with you because of something totally unrelated and BAM! They throw all the things you told them back up in your face! "Yeah, I bet you would tell me anything just to get what you want, because that what you did to so and so". HUH?

Now, when this happens, it pisses me off. But later I am faced with do I stop being open and honest? Do I stop sharing? Which will change the dynamics of the relationship and also change me because I am the kind of person who is just naturally open. Or do I continue to be me and just risk the vomit (throwing it back up) that comes later? Or, a better question, do I need to just change my listener? Hmm......

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MY REPORT ON DONNIE SIMPSONS' SON'S WEDDING!

I Ain't Saying I'm A Gold Digger!

I just finished my daily dose of Slish's blog post. I start my day reading his crazy stories and all of the funny/crazy comments that come with it. I recently created my own blog, at Slish's suggestion and guess who has inspired my first real post? Slish of course, so here it goes.

Thinking about what draws people to each other looks, money, sex, etc. got me to thinkin' about gold digging men (cause it ain't just the women). You don't believe me, let me tell you my story.

I met this guy several years ago and we hit it off instantly. He had a great smile, I loved the sound of his voice and he was very charming (do people still use that word?) Anyway, he sorta swept me off of my feet, so he became my man and I, his woman.

Now the sex was just okay in the beginning, but this brother was very willing to learn so in the years that we were together he became an expert at what makes me explode. So you ask, what's the problem, right? Well, I'm getting to that right now.

When we met he was working for a company that he said he had worked for for several years. He didn't say that it was through a temp agency (now I know that don't seem to be all that important, but just hold on). Well, after we were dating for about 2-3 months, that job expired. He says no big deal, I have money saved up until I find something else. I think he underestimated how long it would take to find something else because the money ran out and he was still unemployed. We are talking 6 months later! Okay, so by now we have been dating for about 8-9 months. Out of concern for him, I offer to loan him money for rent and even went a step further and said come stay with me so you don't have to be stressing about how to pay your bills (plus, I can't afford to loan you rent money every month, indefinitely). BIG mistake! We are now living together.

So, he finally gets a job and we agree to split the bills down the middle because you can't itemize how much electricty you use, etc. He decides later (after a bug gets in his ear) that he don't want to pay any money towards my mortgage because he can't get a tax write off for it? Huh? Then he decides he don't want to contribute to the phone bill because he gets and makes all his calls from his cell. Huh? Then his favorite line for every expense becomes, "well you make more than me so you should pay for it". Huh? Now, this is getting crazy but I don't want to argue about money so I say whatever, but my eyebrows are raised.

Fast forward to our last year together. We are engaged (I know some of you women are scratching your head on this one), and his car is about to die soon. Let me insert here, his credit is ALL JACKED THE F#$k up! For the entire time we were together I kept saying you need to pay that stuff off because it is affecting your credit and his line was ALWAYS, I will take care of it, it's not your problem (remember this line because it will change later). So, he gives me this speech about being his woman and how I should be able to help him whe he needs it. So guess what happens, after discarding my idea to buy a vehicle outright so there would be no car note (because he has bills he needs to pay to clear his credit) we go into a dealership and purchase a vehicle. I have to be the buyer because his credit is so bad they don't really want him on the loan but will agree to him being co-buyer on his vehicle. Second BIG mistake.

Just one month after the wedding he confronts me and asks, "why isn't my name on everything yet?" (Has your mouth fell open yet?) Hell, mine did. Everything like what? We're married so my name should be on everything, the house (that he didn't want to contribute payments to), all of the bills (including the phone he didn't want to pay because he uses his cell phone - that at that point was in my name because he couldn't get a plan - why? because of his credit), and all of my credit cards (cause he can't get any of his own). Well, before you ask what happened, we are now divorced! Ran to the court house exactly one year from the day he came to me with that bull$#it! Now, some of you may say, you ended your marriage for that? Wait, remember the line I told you to remember earlier........

....One day driving home I asked about the child support arrears that were on his credit report (the reason for the bad credit) and you know what he told me........sit down for this one! Listen to how the line changed.....

"Well, we are married now, so my bills are your bills, you should help me pay it" ($approx. $40,000 for two kids).

Now, I ain't saying I'm a Gold Digger, but I ain't messing with no broke, broke !@gga!
I ain't saying I'm a Gold Digger, but you ain't messing with no broke sistah! HOLLA, if you wit me!

Just the beginning!

I am just starting this blog so bear with me. More to come later!